jO bekke at HUgwRts: THE COMMENTARY OF DOOM!
by Thunder Krystal
Summary: Second part of THE COMMENTARY OF DOOM! series. Rated T for my sailor mouth.
1. Where The Mary Sue Kills Her Uncle

**Yep, it's one of these. Enjoy :D**

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AN Dis iiz mi stury. **Obviously. **MI friend edited it 4 me. **This is the edited version?** You're the best, Darry! **YOU'RE NOT.**

BOOK 1: JO BELLE POTTER AND THE SORCERURS STON **She's doing all seven books? Oh no…**

Chapter 1: Dumbledore **SHE SPELT IT RIGHT!**

Mi nam is Jo bele Susie lilee Puttr** Long name=Mary-Sue.** I waz drupped uff at mi uncl and ants hose **You have an ant who lives in a hose**? wen I waz 3 da dark lurd volddenut killd mi parents. I used to hav a bruthr but he livs in engglnd **I wish my sister would go to England, then she'd die-wait, we both live in England.** Now mi ant in uncl in sutth carulia razed me. Dey r abusive. Dey rap and hurt me.** They rap? I'd love to hear their music.**

I hav durty blond hair, that hangs down to mi feet **RAPUNZEL!** i hav dimond blu ies dat sparkl **FEMALE EDWARD CULLEN!** Sometimes my eis are green or yellow **Because blue eyes can definitely turn green or yellow! **OI am super hot!111111111 **Talk about an ego.**

1 dae I waz wlkin doewn da street nd I cm hom der was a ledder on da doorstep **Da hell?** I gspd!11111111111111 **11111…?** it sad **Why is the 'ledder' sad?** hugwurts skill od wickraaf nd wizrdy **The school where you learn how to hug.** I tried to get it butt **BUTT!** sdunely… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … .. .. .. **WUT ISH WIT TEH SUSPENSE?**

A knif came me!111111111111111 **11111…? Again!** Im fast thouh, so I caut it nd thru it bak at mi dum uncl. **OMJ ARE YOU NARUTO?**

it hit him in da crocht and he did **He did what?** den antie Beatrice cam up. "U klld mi usbnd u freek!111111111111111" **I agree with Beatrice.**

Hes nut ded.' I told hur **NUTS! THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!** Den I wavd mi hnd n he cam bak to lif! **I THOUGHT YOU KILLED HIM?** "Jpo bel!" he screemd** ?**

Mi ant thru me acruss the rume.\ **OMJ HIIII, FORWARD SLASH!** I hit da wull nd nearly pasd out! **Poor you. Sense my sarcasm?**

"wuts dat letr u hav,' jo bel?" ant betric askd **Wow, she almost killed you then she asks you something completely random?**

"NOOO" Uncl sd. **O… K…?**

"I hut wed stuppd it!" ant betrik sad. **Eh? Why ant betrik sad?**

"den unl grvaed be nd thruuu me acrss da rume. DEN DA DUR FLU OPEN!111111111.. ….. .. .. . . .. . **AGAIN WITH THE DOTS!**

An old man was der. He had a long blak beerd **His beard's white.** He spok in an awsum suthurn bretesh axnt **Hogwarts's in Scotland and this isn't North and South Carolina**. "I am Pruffsr ALbis Peeter Quintin alexndr Dumbldur!111111111" he crid. **THAT'S NOT HIS NAME!**

A flash uv litenin was seen oteside da durr. It lukeed lik mi scar. I hav a scar ov a litenn bult on mi 4hd. **Harry Potter lookalike!**

Dumbldur sd. "Cum w/ me jo bel I hav ur bruthur."!1 **LE GASP! HE KIDNAPPED YOUR BRO!**

2 B CNTUUD! **Please don't continue. Please. For the sake of my sanity. Wait, what sanity?**


	2. Where The Mary Sue Calls Dudley Gay

**Seriously? Only one review? It's My Immortal: THE COMMENTARY OF DOOM! all over again! Enjoy.**

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A?n This da second chappy, **No shit, Sherlock.** I hop u lik it!11 **No, I will not lick your story.** Thanks to Darrel for da ediding! Ur da best. **I thought his name was Darry? Anyway, YOU'RE NOT.**

Chapter 2: Harre Putter **The amaxing golfer!**

Dumdumfore tuk mi 2 Englend. It waz relly cull **Flattery gets you nowhere. Also, I'm sad jo bel likes England cause I live there. I **saw a olot ov peple there. **No, really?** Wen one of those stinky Nurthurnurs cam up, I killed thm. **So you're a kill first, ask questions later sort of person?** NOrthernurs ar so stupid. **At least they type better than you. **Den Dumumdor tok me to ribet Driv. **DO FROGS LIVE THERE? *hopeful face* **We knoked up the door **Just cause I didn't use protection with Deidara! *reference to my messages to xBrokenRecordx* **A fat gay boy ansered the dur.** So you can tell if they're gay or not just by seeing them?**

/hoo r u" he aksed. **OWL!**

"don talk to me GAYY."** Harsh.**

"Dadddyy, he said, running away and crying. **Aww, poor him!**

Then a 11 yeer old boy cam up. "Who r u.' he asked

:Im prufesxsr dumfumdoor, and dis iz y=r sister."** …**

"I;m jo bell,' I told him; **…**

"im… … … … … … … … … … … … … …. … … … … … … … … … … Harre POTTER! **BAD 'HAREE'! NO BAD SUSPENSE!**

bcuntined** Die.**


	3. Where The Mary Sue and Haree Give Hats

Well, that's an improvement from one review. jo bel has switched to bold which WAS MY COLOUR! DDDDDDDDDD:

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**A/N Daryll ur da bes. **JASHIN DAMMIT, IS HIS NAME DARYLL, DARRY OR DARREL? **Thanks 4 edidin. **How the fuck can you get t and d confused?

**CHaptre 3: The trpi 2 Digon Alee.***facepalm*

"**Im HAree Potter," HE SAID. **SHE SPELT POTTER RIGHT! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!

'**NO WAE," i sed.****"im ur sister."**

"**cull he sed," **Wait, you meet your long lost sister and all you say is cull? Jashin, it isn't even spelt right! **Then I noticd somthin. "Y do u hav a Suthern axent wen your from Enhglend?" **THAT'S exactly what I want to know.

"**Cuz Im frum Suthern Englend lol."**How did you get the idea that people from southern England have the same accent as people from southern USA?

"**LOl'" **DUDE, you could just laugh.

"**Don't u hat northurnurs?" he sad. **HARRY! DON'T BE SAD! JO BEL HAS BEEN TAKEN OFF FANFICTION(DOT)NET!

**\**OMJ HIIIII, BACKSLASH!

"**I knoe rite/" **How does that answer his question?

**Dumduldur agreed. "now its tim to go 2 Digon Allee." **Hehe, Tim.

"**But wat aout mi cousins?" **I'm gonna guess it's a rock saying this.

"**Dey're stupid Northernors so it don't matter." **-_-'

"**Good, I jus hat them : **Aww, rocky gives hats to northerners!

"**Now, Jo bekke Will do the majic. Now, telepotr us to Diafon Ally!" **It's illegal for an eleven year old to do that, ya know.

**I said the incantation. Suddnly we were in Digon Alley! **WOW, IT MUST BE magic.

**2 BE CONTINUED!11111111111111111**… Fuck. You.


	4. Where The Mary Sue Might Hurt A Gremlin

Sup, people, how're you doing?  
My sister really needs to stop mooing!  
That kid on YouTube says he likes trains!  
Because of that quote I want to stab his brain!

Like my rap? :3 Enjooy.

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**aN: So, tanks to Daryl 4 fixin da gramer.**NO TANKS FOR DARYL/DAREE/DARREL/DARRYL! THEY'RE ALL MINE! **Ur da best!**THERE'S A CONTRADIC(K)TION IN THAT STATEMENT! **Flamrs: GO 2 HELL!***TeamNinjaStar reference* I'll meet Saso-kun!

**Chapter $: DIgon Aley purt 1**Dollar chapter?

Profesur dumbledum tuk us to a stor calld Grignots. Yo can get free monee ther. **1. I see you have stopped with the bold.  
2. Grignots is not a 'stor' it's a bank! **Wee go in. **How unhygienic! **A gremlin cums up to us. **?**"oH U mus b jO bEkk potter. Weve been watein 4 u. o nd hllo harre." **Apparently this Mary-Sue is more important than the Boy Who Lived.**

Dumbldum commntd on his status, **FACEBOOK REFERENCE! **luk her gremlin, jus tak us to der vault, and NOT de enegy drink, ok, do, you, get, **LOLOL **that mistr 'helo jO beKL?" ***reference to sheep… I mean kid in my class* You what what? Energy drink? **

The gremln srummk in feer. "Yes, jus dnt hrt me." **If you don't hurt us.**

/I wnt hrt u, but jO beKKE might! **LOL. **

The gremlin sed, "letz\s go 2 ur valt." **Let's not and say we did.**

We got in da sports car and druve into da valt. "Bi da wae mi nam iz golum," da gremlin sed. **I hate you.**

GoLUm tuk us doewn into da valt. "Is this da valt," I aksd. **HE TOOK YOU TO THE VAULT! Maybe you aren't a Mary-Sue; you're stupid… *slaps self* Bad Thunder Krystal! She is a Mary-Sue!**

"Yeperoo,' golumn saeid.

'Iz this da valt,l" haree askd/ **Harry/Haree/Hare/Harre/I LIKE TRAINS, do you need a hearing aid?**

"Yes." **HAHAHAHA! THAT ANSWERS MY QUESTION!**

Dmbldurm tuk jo bELe and haree into the lair. DER WAS A DRAGON DER!111111 **Please die.**

2 B CUNTOUED **I am writing a murder story about how I kill you. My friend Heidi likes it.**


	5. Where The Mary Sue Kills A Dragon

***sighs* Why on earth were there no reviews?  
I really hate my sister's moos.  
Please, someone, review this chapter!  
Or I'll… urm… err… Holla! :D**

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A/N: Stop FLamIm u r stupid nd gae! **SERIOUSLY? I'd like not to be reminded of bad memories!** GO 2 HEKLK! **There are no k's in hell.**

Chpaarte 5: Da mystikel dregon

DER WAZ A DRAGEN DER!11111111111 **1111…?**

Gollum sed, ' u hav 2 dfeet da dregon w? ur pwors 2 get 2 da vult. **?**

"k," hare end ei sed. *facepalm* **She… she can't even spell I?**

We wnen in but haree got scrd. I hd to go in by myslf. Jo bElle wen in. **What? I thought you were Mary-Sue/Jo Bel/Jo Bell/Jo Belle/Jo bElle/Jo Belke?**

Da Dragen was ornge aand spok in a northurn axent. "Im da dregon hoo gurds Grinworts!" **The dragon was orange? *grins* Awesome!**

"GO TO HELL~!#$%^'./,./ **…**

I stebbd da drehoon thur the hert. It died. **I bet she stabbed it with her finger and the Boy Who Lived actually killed the dragon.**

"GO JO BEKLE! GO JI BKEL! 123 GOGOGO!" Dumdubledumre ***widens eyes* **SCREEMED NGRILY **Dumbledore's having a Shikamaru day.**

"WHOS DA DREGON SLEYOR? N U R! WHOS DA PRETTYST MOST AMAZNG SXYEST BUTIFUL AMZING SXY WONDRFUL GILR? JPO BELLE PUTTER" Du,mblurode Gooluu, Haree, and snale sad. **An old man called you sexy.**

Gremlin sed, "nowe u mae pass into da chamber uv trrezures. ***facepalm***

2 b CONTNUED!** I don't know who you think you're impressing.**


	6. Where The Mary Sue Has Money But Is Sad

A/N Ty Darel for fixin da gramer erurs. Ur da vvest.**Darel's a vest?**

Chaptr 6: Trezur

Dumblrus sd drastically, "he iz ur twreszrue" **…**

"OMFGTISA" I seD sadly. **Oh My Fucking God This Is So Awesome? I would say Oh My Fucking Jashin This Is So Fucking Awesome.**

"Dnt b so happe jo bEKl;e,' hary sed. **She said it, 'sadly'**

"Ut dis iz mor monee den I evr ceen b4" jo Belke sed. **TRANSLATION: "This is more money than I've ever seen before!" Jo Belle said (It could be exclaimed)**

We entrd da trezur rum cotiouslee. We wlkd inid n hrd somtin. Den we luked in. SNALE AND KWERREL WERE DOING IT TOGEDER! **Poor Tara/Todd, having her/his work stolen by an idiot.**


	7. Where The Mary Sue Gets Rich But Doesn't

Via PM, jo bel is pissing me off. By the way, jo bel (since she reviewed), I'm smarter than you just by how I write and you also have no right to call me a lesbian.

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**A?n Jus cuz u dnt lik a stry dsnt meen u need 2 b meen. GO 2 ur prbablee a gae blak nurthurnur. **This is why you get flames.

**Chptwer 7: I git rtch/ ***sweatdrop*

**Dmbldumr flu In on hiz brume and beet them up. "Yall r hugwerts teachers, yer supposed to be bettr den dis!: **...

"**UR STYUPID ND GAE!: I sae melodramcitaaly **SHE ADMITS SHE'S AN IDIOT!

" ?

**Snal sad, **DON'T BE SAD!** "y do u hav to b meen to gaes wer humen 2!" **S-she just scolded herself.

'**NO UR NT! UR LUSERS WITH NO LIFE. GO 2 GELL!1111111111111111" **Really? My best friend was gay and now he has no life BECAUSE HE IS FREAKING DEAD.

**Snal and kwirril strtrs krying. Dey ren ote of da rume crieng. **What's this, a script?

DumBLDUM "Dose gAE PEopLE AR So StupiId." **WTF? No bold now?**

"I knoe arry sed, **DUDE. SPEECH MARKS.**

Den Harwey nd ei got ur trezure. **Harwey?**

SDDNLY GolluM sut us in da trezur rume. **Suddenly? Seriously? That's like saying, "Suddenly... I breathed."**

Dumbllydum creed ote, "O KNOEW WAT SALL I DOO? " **About what?**

He wEN nd KnicKED on dA dURE. "lET us Ote u STUPID BlAK gremlin." **Knicked? KNICKERS! IN ENGLAND IF YOU DON'T KNOW THAT MEANS GIRLS' UNDERWEAR!**

"NVR I LUV MISLF, noew I shell snd mi menyons to rap u." **They're gonna rap? AWESOME!**

Den I usEd my majicel abilettees to zap us ote. I klld GuLLum. **Aww...**

DEN?| ? ? ? ? ? ? ? **That's new.** ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? GOLUM CAM BAK 2 LIF!1111111111111 **WTF?**

2 b CONTNIUED1!#$%^&*() **HOW DID SHE GET RICH?**


	8. Where Thunder is Sorry

_**Hey guys,**_

_**I just wanna say that all of my stories are on a hiatus until further notice.**_

_**I will only be replying to PMS and reading fanfics.**_

_**The reason being that my dad's leg's been cut off and I have to take care of him. And Jess, my best friend, well... Let's just say she's been rather upset lately, and her no-good-dirty-rotten-pig-stealing-great-great-grandfather boyfriend Lewis-**_

_**Lewis: HEY!**_

_**-is hiding some great big secret from her so now he has no time for her.**_

_**AND I'm fasting (It's the Islamic month of Ramadhan, where- Just look it up) so I'm really weak.**_

_**So... Yeah. Don't be expecting any more chapters from me for a little bit.**_

_**-Thunder out.**_


	9. Where The Mary Sue Hurts Hamlet

SUP BROS? I'm uploading only once a month. Gomenasai :(

**A.N: Danks** Holy shit, jo bel knows German.** 4 darryl 4 chkin **CHICKEN** dis/ Ur da bst. BST**: Brainless stupid toad.

**Cahprt **CAH I PRT YOU? **9: Dumblumdores **BAHAHAHA** mesage**

**Harmlt tuk us 2 Dumblumdur. "Helo dumdhumrr,' hamlt sed. **It gets worse every time. Filthy puttana (whore).

"**Helo Prufessor Haarmlet" Dumbumbledore said. **HAAAAAAAAArmlet.

"**jO beLLE and HaARe dis is Professur Hamlet. **O_O I LOVE SHAKESPEARE! :D** He is daa keeper of da kees a HUgwerts." **Cool.

"**Helo Prufessor Haglet," HaRRE amd ei sad. **Haglet: A baby hag. jo bel, you're a haglet.

"**Yes, I em Prufesor Hagmet.: **CAN'T YOU SPELL AM XSZICDKSJFICJFCIDJFI

**Dumblum lafed ridikilosely. **Oh no, some shit's about to go down. **"alrite chldrn I need to tll u somthin." **See?

"**Wat iz it?" jo BelLe asked, **Isn't the story in first person?

"**Itz tim to go… … … … **GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRR **… .. … … PIK OTEUR **Otter **WANDS!1111111111111111111111111111 1111111"**

_**CUE CHANGE OF COLOUR!**_

We wnt 2 pck ote our wands. **I'm getting sick of this.** We wlkd doewn da street. **Sesame street.** BUT… …. … … … **FOR FUCK'S SAKE QUIT IT WITH THE UNNEEDED SUSPENSE!** …. …. …. … … . … … HAMLET WAS STILL STALKIN US!1!1111111111111111111111111111 1111111111111111111111111111 11 **That's what you get for dissing Shakespeare.**

"R u a pedow?" I asked. **Yeah, just ask a suspicious looking hairy man if he's a pedo!**

"No! I just waaantd to knoe somthin!" **Then why didn't you just ask?**

Dumbldor sied. "lUK her hamlet, Your just a silly scotish persin." Hey**! Karen Gillan's Scottish and she was in Doctor Who!**

Hamlit strtd to cri. "Iem surry prufsor."** You made Hamlet/Hagrid cry :'(**

"dats ok, u scotish people r jus lik oour pets." **That's meant to be an insult.**

"Can I git a raze?" **Razor.**

Dumbleumr lafed evly. "Y WULD I GIV u a RAZE? **Razor.** Go away u SIMPLE MINDED KREEP!" **Hagrid is best friends with a huge spider/tarantula. **

Harmlet sarted crien agin. Den he run off. **:'(**

"ALrite childs, lets go pik ote ur wnds/ **GRR!**

2BCNTUED **GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRR!**


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